My Future
by nine miles to go
Summary: Why did JD become a doctor? This short songfic reveals the hidden tragedy that started it all. JDA.
1. Chapter One

Okay, okay, I know...these Yellowcard songfics are getting a wee bit outta control. But I only have one more after this one already made up (a different one with a car crash in it, lol, but I'll post it sometime tomorrow or the next day). Anyway, try to ignore the fact that my social life expands about as far as Yellowcard and Scrubs and swim team jokes in the locker room (What's special about an emo-cake? ...okay, okay, bad joke...)

Disclaimer: I own the plot, because no one else is stupid enough to come up with it, but I don't own anything else :(.

* * *

My Future

"C'mon, JD, quit being such a wuss," she chided me. I could tell she was being dead serious though. In the dimly lit room I could still see the glint of mischief in her eyes. This is what she'd been waiting for.

"It isn't safe," I protested, shaking my head. "Besides, it's one in the morning…I'm tired," I said, yawning. Actually, I was wide awake, being nocturnal and sleeping through most of my classes, but that didn't stop me from lying to get out of the newest of her stupid ideas.

She dangled the keys. "There's a new club open a few miles away…" she bribed me.

I scoffed. "I don't party, Sam," I reminded her. "Remember what happened last time?"

My twin put her hands on her hips, giving me an exasperated look. "That was the fifth grade, JD. We've moved twice since then! No one knows about your little apple bobbing incident."

I shuddered. "Don't say it."

"So you'll come?"

"No! We don't even turn sixteen for six months. We don't have licenses, bonehead. Driver's ed doesn't count for that much."

"We have permits," she whined.

"I'm not going." I flopped back on my bed. "Now leave my room so I can sleep, will you?"

"Dan does it all the time," she finally snapped at me. "_He _wouldn't chicken out on me."

That's it. Right there. She took my sore spot and stabbed it with a knife. Something snapped inside my head, and I had the sudden urge to get up and drag her to the car, just to prove to her that I wasn't a chicken. But I didn't. I buried myself under the covers, still dressed in my jeans and t-shirt, and said, "I'm sure he wouldn't. Go alone, if you're so set on leaving at such an absurd hour."

She made a haughty sniffing noise. "Fine, then," she responded in a high-pitched, snobby voice. "I will go alone. You'll see. You'll regret this."

My door closed and I heard her silently creep past our parents bedroom and down the stairs.

_You'll regret this. You'll regret this. You'll regret this. _

"Aw, crap," I cursed, throwing the covers off and chasing after her. She was born first! Wasn't _she _supposed to be the responsible one? I figured I'd better go or she'd do something stupid.

She'd already started our parent's clunky van by the time I got down there. "Thought so," she said condescendingly, a big grin on her face. "Get in, then."

I sighed and took the passenger's seat, my heart beating loudly in my head. God damn my conscience. This was going to be one long night.

_Accidents out on the highway to somewhere  
They tell us about when we were young  
Rescuers working to clean up the crashes  
Before she can see what they've done_

"Sam, be _careful_!" I nearly screamed. "Stay to the right!"

"I know, idiot. We're almost there. Chill, would you? You act like I'm going to get us killed. I got a B+ in driver's ed, remember?"

"Big whoop," I said sarcastically, resting my elbows on the dashboard and burying my head in my hands. I took a deep breath. She was right. I just needed to take a chill pill.

"Which exit?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Dunno. I'm just gonna play it by ear, 'kay?"

I just shake my head, not even bothering to say anything.

"Man, I'm excited. Isn't this exhilarating?" she squealed, rolling down the windows. "I wonder what's on the radio…" she said aloud, fiddling with the dials.

"Please pay attention to the road," I begged.

"Can it, would you? You're ruining everything," she yapped angrily.

I felt absolutely miserable, a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. The radio blared some band I'd never heard of. All I could think about was how appealing my nice, warm bed would be right now.

Dear God, was I really that lame? I frowned to myself. Sam was just trying to help. She was going to make me more socially acceptable if I paid attention well enough. One of these days I wouldn't just be the football star's younger brother or the school hottie's outcast twin. I'd be JD…the, um, really awesome nerd.

I sighed again. Yeah, right. Like crashing some stupid club was going to make me popular.

_Nobody told her she'd lose in the first round  
The last fight was fixed from the start  
Name's on her side walks they move through her body  
Like razors they cut through her heart  
Like razors they cut through her heart  
_

We drove the next few miles in silence, the radio filling the awkwardness of the dark. The highway was empty. I had never felt so alone sitting next to my own twin.

I looked over at her, driving the car, hands gripping the wheel. She looked like a half-crazed stranger. What happened to my sister? Now all she wanted to do was party at clubs and drink and do drugs. She scared me. She was becoming just like Dan a little bit more each and every day.

I had to admit…I was scared.

"Thought you said this place was only a couple of miles," I mumbled, half-asleep by now.

"Oh," she said, her voice twisted-sounding. "Did I?"

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah." Her voice cracked. "Look, JD, you should have stayed home."

"But…but I'm not a chicken. I can handle it. I don't want you to go out in the middle of nowhere by yourself. It's dangerous."

"Compared to…" She shook her head. "That's not the reason, JD. I know you're not afraid. But I am." She turned to me, completely disregarding the road. My heart leapt in sudden fear.

"Sam—the wheel, get the wheel—"

She shook her head again, a haunting, deep laughter possessing her for a moment. Then she silenced herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her brown eyes teary and soulful, swimming in my own. Matching eyes. Matching eyes, matching hands, matching hearts. We'd grown up together.

I had no idea who she was now.

So it came as a shock like no other to me as she grabbed the wheel and wrenched it violently to the right, slamming us head on into the concrete wall of the freeway.

_Hey let go of all you know  
Let your fire away now  
What have you got to lose  
And say out loud these words I've found  
I'll be there when you come down  
I'll be waiting for you_

I felt indescribable pain as soon as we made impact. "Sam!" I screamed. The walls of the car crunched around us, locking us in. The car was spinning around on its sides and back, eventually landing right side up. Every bounce was like a million needles piercing my skin.

For a moment, I knew what death was. Surely it had been in the car with us that night, leading Sam in.

"Sam!" I called again as soon as the spinning stopped.

Sticky blood rolled over my eyes. I couldn't see, but I knew she wasn't moving. My head pounded and every bone in my body was set aflame.

"_Sam_!" I shrieked in horror.

No response. That moment, strapped in by the seatbelt and watching my own blood grow in a pool, I knew I had lost her. My other half, my best friend, my twin…she was dead. And from the looks of it, I wasn't far from it.

My eyes widened in fear when I realized I couldn't move. Pain skyrocketed through me when I attempted. Not that I had any means of getting out of here—it wasn't as if we had a phone in the car. My heart pounded in my head, a terrible, impending sound.

How could she do this? Kill herself in the middle of a god damn highway? Try to kill _me_?

I shouldn't have gone. My parents would find out, I thought vaguely. They'd probably blame me. _What the hell were you thinking, going out at one in the morning? _they'd ask angrily. _How could you let this happen? _

Yes. I'd be the one they blamed.

That is, if I survived. The highway was virtually devoid of life. Every minute stretched to an hour as I lay there in agony, counting the seconds, completely paralyzed.

_Night life the high life she just wants a good life  
So someone remembers her too  
But somewhere she heard there was some place to go  
when you die when you live like we do  
Die when you live like we do  
_

Sam, of all people, committing suicide. I swallowed hard, tears pouring into my eyes. It didn't seem possible, but what else could you call it? She sure wasn't possessed to do it. She knew exactly what she was doing.

I wanted to die. I wanted out of my body that instant. Dying in this car would be better than what I'd have to face afterwards—doctors, parents, schoolmates who would gossip, teachers who would frown. What kind of fifteen-year-old drove a car off the road in the middle of the night? Sounds like something that a freak like JD would do, not a popular cheerleader with a perfect smile.

But as I thought about how much I wanted to die right then, I also knew that I was selfishly glad to have made it this far. I was alive, wasn't I? She'd obviously intended for me to be dead. She didn't want anyone left to tell the story of how she drove the car off the road to kill herself.

I heard a car stop nearby. By that time I'd shut my eyes, so I hadn't seen the headlights coming.

"Oh my God, Ted, look at that wreck," a woman gasped. "That's unbelievable. Oh my…"

"Call 911," the man replied. "Let me check it out, it could be dangerous."

Someone approached our metal heap.

"Is anyone in there?" he called out, still a safe distance from the car.

I opened my mouth to speak, but coughed up blood instead.

"Are you okay?" the man asked when he was alerted to my presence.

_Just peachy, _I thought sarcastically. Funny how I could still make jokes in the face of death. Well, not funny. Except to me because I was…peachy. "N-no," I managed to force out. "I'm stuck."

"Just hold on. My wife is calling 911. You'll be just fine, okay?"

I didn't believe him.

"Can you keep talking to me?" he asked. "Is there someone in the car with you?" he added before getting a response.

"My sister." I took a shuddering breath, attempting to get oxygen, but ended up coughing again. "She's dead," I moaned.

I noticed that he struggled to respond at first. "Stay calm," he finally bid me in a shaking voice. "What's your name?" he asked after a moment, trying to distract me.

I was grateful. "JD. You?" I wheezed.

"Tom. Nice to meet you, JD."

I would have laughed just then if I hadn't been in so much pain. "Nice…nice weather we've been having…" I commented.

"Yeah. Pretty warm for the beginning of spring. All the blossoms are just beautiful," the woman cut into the conversation. "Hi, I'm Caroline. The paramedics said they'll be here in a jiffy."

_Hey let go of all you know  
Let your fire away now  
What have you got to lose  
And say out loud these words I've found  
I'll be there when you come down  
I'll be waiting for you_

_Trapped in the car…_

_The girl—her body's wedged—_

_Careful, we don't know the full extent of the injuries…_

_Time of death, 2:03 am. _

…_in critical condition…_

_Get rid of the med students, we can't have them in here right now. _

_Broken ribs, I can already tell…suffering head injury, brain damage not likely, though…that leg looks pretty bent up, check on that, would you? Who's got the kid's charts? _

_Mrs. Dorian…I'm so sorry. She didn't suffer. _

When I woke up I was alone in a white room. White sheets, white walls, white tiles on the floor. The moment I opened my eyes it was like one big blinding eyesore.

Then everything came rushing back. The reason why my head was pounding mercilessly and I was on my back with my body in the most awkward position it's ever been forced to lay in.

"Sam," I whispered, my voice completely dry.

"Mr. Dorian," a doctor greeted me, smacking her bright pink gum into a humungous bubble. She looked at me, frowned, and checked her charts. "Hmm…oh! That's right. You were the kid in the car accident."

"It wasn't an accident," I said under my breath.

"Huh?"

"Yes, I was in the kid in the accident. My sister…she's…"

"Sister?" asked the woman, flipping her hair back. "I'm sorry, kid, I didn't see anyone else wheeled in. You're my patient, you're all I've gotta deal with. So how are you feeling?"

I gritted my teeth. "Where's my sister?" I demanded, even though I knew the truth. I'd known it for endless, countless hours now, but I needed to hear it from someone. Anyone. I needed to know the facts.

Behind the doctor a well-dressed man in his early twenties cleared his throat. "I'm so sorry. I saw her. She…she was dead. Died on impact."

A fist grabbed my heart and squeezed. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Compulsively I looked to my right, as if to make sure she wasn't there. My twin. The only one who laughed at my stupid jokes, the only one who understood me, the only one who made being the nerd I was at least partially okay.

Half of me was gone.

_Hey let go of all you know  
Let your fire away now  
What have you got to lose  
And say out loud these words I've found  
I'll be there when you come down  
I'll be waiting for you  
_

"Who the hell do you think you are, a doctor?" the woman scolded the young man. "I cannot believe you. He's only a med student," she explained to me, as if I actually cared.

"And you're only an intern, Chrissy," he shot back snidely.

"Wait…so…she's…"

The doctor shook her head angrily at the med student, ignoring me completely and leaving the room. The med student remained, an awkward silence filling the air.

"Yeah. She's dead." He swallowed hard. "Wow…" he said, putting his hand to his forehead. "Didn't really expect this much drama in a hospital, you know? Figured I'd walk in, make someone better and leave."

"Sam's dead," I said dully. "She was my twin."

"That's awful. But look on the bright side. I mean…at least you're alive."

My fists clenched. "She—she tried to kill me," I choked, trying desperately not to cry in front of the stranger. "She fully intended to veer the car off the road and kill us both. But she killed half of us. She left me here." I looked away from him, down at the eerily white floors. "She was going to be somebody. It should have been me."

"Kid, I'm no shrink, but…everyone can do something. That's why I'm becoming a doctor." He grinned. "Dr. Cox. How does that sound to you?"

I offered him a grin back, mostly just to get him to leave. "Sounds pretty good."

He nodded in appreciation before exiting the room. My brain had been muddled and senseless at the time, but his words stuck with me. That med student was probably the reason I ever became a doctor. I knew I could do something…for people like Sam. For people like me.

_Hey let go of all you know  
Let your fire away now  
What have you got to lose  
And say out loud these words I've found  
I'll be there when you come down  
I'll be waiting for you_

Newbie passes me in the hallway, asking for help with some new medical crisis. God damn all interns. May Zeus strike them all with lightning and incinerate them. Why does this kid bug me so much? It's not even that he's constantly coming to _me_, of all people, for advice—there's just something freaky about him. It's been three months since he's gotten here and I keep feeling like I've forgotten something.

"Dr. Cox," he says hesitantly, nearly flinching as he approaches, "I was, er, wondering about a patient—"

"Spill it before you wet yourself, Charlotte," I yawn.

"Teenage girl in a car accident, was driving under the influence at the time, she's stable now but I need to know which…"

And then I tune him out. Because I realize it took me three whole months to realize exactly what had bothered me for so long.

"Newbie," I cut him off, "have you ever been in a car accident?"

The flinch comes. If I hadn't expected it, I would assume it was another nervous-intern twitch. But I knew.

"No," he says, his voice sounding awkward. "I haven't. But what about the patient…"

I let it drop. But I have to wonder. It's been more than a decade since I last saw that kid. That day in the hospital—had I really affected his life that much? Had I really convinced him to become a doctor?

Would he ever make the connection?

"Give her some aspirin for now, I think that's the best we can do," I finally say.

He nods. "Thanks."

For once—and probably the last time, since I hate all these touchy-feely moments—I say, "You're welcome," and walk away.

_Accidents out on the highway to somewhere…_

* * *

Fini.


	2. Chapter Two

I was bored, soI decided to continue the plot. DON'T WORRY, I'm still working on Deadly. It's all in my head. As soon as finals are over I'll get to it. The only reason I'm randomly updating this is because--alas--my mommy bought me an Alphasmart, which is like a word processor you can take ANYWHERE (except underwater...lol). All it does it type, but it's so easily portable and extremely durable. Way better than a laptop. SO easy to use. It's my baby. I call him the Nerd Machine.

Anyyywayyyy...join my community for Scrubs, it's a Zach Braff fandome! JOIN IT!

And read.

Disclaimer: Don't own Scrubs. Feh.

* * *

My mom picked out my outfit this morning, from the dorky plaid dress to the white collarneck shirt and mary jane shoes. My nanny, Monique, said that my mom had insisted, and both of us would get in trouble if I didn't wear the. So now I was tripping over these disgustingly shiny black shoes that didn't even fit and I was pretty sure my hair was cutting off my circulation, it was wound up into such a tight ponytail.

Not that it really mattered. I was enough of a nerd anyway. But for everyone else, this was just an ordinary, meaningless field trip—not like it was for me. For me, this was my future. Anything that went on in the three hour tour of the hospital would change my life forever.

See, my parents wanted me to become this ultra-super doctor and follow in my father's footsteps. Being the good daughter I was, I happily obliged. But I didn't have any idea what the field of medicine was actually like. What if I hated it? What if it turned out to be a bust? I couldn't stand to let them down…

"Elliot, what the…?" Marie, my best (and only) friend asked with obvious fright.

I opened my mouth to attempt to explain, but she clamped her hand over my face. "It's not too late," she insisted, a determined look on her face. She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the girl's bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror and nearly shrieked, I looked so horrible.

"Don't worry," she assured me, rummaging in her backpack and producing a pink top, jeans and a sparkly silver belt. "I came prepared this time."

"Marie…" I gasped. "Thank you SO much. You're a lifesaver."

She grinned cheesily. "I know," she said with sarcastic pride. "But seriously, Ell, I'm just doing my duty as a good Samaritan. You're clearly, um, suffering." She winced, looking the outfit up and down again, and shoved the clothes in my hand.

I rushed into the stall and ripped off the white leggings, feeling immediately freed. "Take your hair outta that thing, too," Marie reminded me from the sinks. "And hurry up, the bus leaves in five minutes."

I yelped. "Five minutes? Do you realize how crucial this stupid trip is?"

Even though she wasn't next to me, I could practically see her cringing. "You don't even want to be a doctor. Beat your own drum, girl."

I rolled my eyes. "I never said I didn't want to be a doctor. It's just, my parents would really like it if I did."

"'Kay, whatever. You ready?"

"Yup," I grunted, shoving the mary janes back on. They looked okay with the ensemble, actually. Contented, I stepped outside the stall and checked the mirror.

"Hot," Marie declared, whistling. She grabbed my wretched plaid dress and shoved it haphazardly in her bookbag. "Now let's get a move on—time to meet the colleagues."

Boarding the bus, my heart fluttered a little bit. I knew we wouldn't be seeing much drama. We weren't allowed in Emergency or ICU, so we'd be meeting random doctors in various wings, stopping for lunch, and then choosing a wing to mentor with someone for the rest of the afternoon.

I thought I might throw up.

_Do you ever feel _

_So perfect _

_You're not for real_

_But it's worth it_

_It seems like_

_Everybody's friends_

_And in time_

_You know that this will end_

My first impression of the hospital wasn't exactly beautiful. We went through the wrong entrance and ended up walking right through the waiting room, which was mostly full of sick/bleeding/crying people. One kid passed out. Luckily a nurse caught him, and we were, after all, in a hospital. After many apologies from some guy named Dr. Kelso who had led us in, we continued.

Marie and I huddled close to each other. We were the only fifteen-year-olds in the class, everyone else being a junior or senior. Being a nerd got you into the higher classes, but it was pretty awkward. We were beyond lucky to have each other to clutch to, since this class took up two periods as a college level course.

First we toured around pediatrics and interviewed an annoyed doctor on his break, his scrubs clearly mottled with puke. It was eerily bright and colorful in that area in comparison to the rest of the hospital. I decided I definitely wasn't working there; I had never been especially great with children. I couldn't imagine being socially in tune with any patient, actually, but little kids would definitely be worse.

"It's so cute," Marie whispered in my ear.

I nodded, biting my tongue and trying not to voice the growing doubt that was already overwhelming me. Maybe I really wouldn't like this at all…but then again, it was just one portion. Something else could grab at me.

"Now, kids, we're heading to the OR," said the overly-cheery man, Dr. Kelso.

"On drugs," Marie said under her breath. I stifled back a giggle, following the other ten kids in the maze around the hospital. We were disappointed at first because we couldn't actually watch a surgery; no, instead we toured an empty room and some surgeon showed us the different tools and what they were for.

Okay, so maybe surgery wasn't my calling, either.

"Excuse me, kiddies," a kindly doctor said, weaving a gurney through the hallway. I expected some old guy with some heart problem to be wheeled past, but my jaw dropped open when the unconscious figure passed.

"Hey, that's—"

"JD?" Marie finished for me. "He's on the other school's Science Team! What happened!"

I looked up ahead anxiously. The class hadn't noticed us and they were moving up ahead. "Is he okay?" I asked rapidly. I didn't know him very well, but I remembered he was incredibly smart. He was our school's worse threat, and he was a sophomore, too.

The doctor looked as surprised as we were. "Oh—um, I'm sure he'll be fine. Came in pretty banged up around two in the morning. Car accident, I think. Just had to fix up his leg. Probably the least of his problems," he said, shaking his head.

"What do you mean?" Marie demanded.

He shrugged. "He's been pretty numbed up on painkillers, so we don't know the extent of the damage to his head. Some med student claimed he'd been talking, but that doesn't measure it up much. He's your friend?" he asked sympathetically.

We nodded. "Sort of," I said weakly, shocked that such a thing could happen to a nerd like him.

"Sorry you had to…" he trailed off.

"Do you know anything el—" Marie started.

"Girls," our teacher, Mrs. Hunter, called. "You're going to miss lunch if you don't hurry up."

I walked down to the lunchroom in a daze. It made everything so real, seeing that kid, even though I hardly knew him. I could still visualize the bruises and gashes, his torn up leg, his skin pale. He looked so fragile. Could I be a doctor and help people like him? Would I be able to pull it off?

_But you're not thinking of how it should be done_

_So maybe you're losing your mind _

"Are you gonna eat that?" asked Marie though a mouthful of grapes.

"No," I said vaguely, handing her my sandwich. "I hate mustard anyway."

She shrugged and took my plate willingly. "Hung up on that kid?" she asked me quietly once she had swallowed.

"Sorta," I admitted. "I mean…maybe I just assumed that being science nerds made us invincible. We couldn't get into trouble. But look at him!"

"Poor JT."

"JD," I corrected her, remembering past competitions. It would always com down to our two schools in sudden death. It was a joke in the school district by now; JD and I would always be sent up to the podiums for an all or nothing round.

And he'd ALWAYS win.

A part of me wanted to wrong his neck, but I truly did admire him. He was pretty cute, too. Just really shy and quiet. I heard he has a twin sister and he's the brother of the quarterback. Multi-talented family.

"Hey, we'll be fine," Marie said rationally. "You could go visit him during our 'mentoring' thing if you want. I'm guessing he's in recovery." I nodded. "Thanks."

"Want back your sandwich now?" she asked, grinning wryly and putting it back on my plate.

"You know it," I laughed, quickly devouring it before lunch ended.

"Okay, kids," Dr. Kelso announced after our lunch finished, "You are the first round of students we're testing our new shadowing program on. You simply choose a doctor who doesn't look too busy—they're all happy to oblige—and observe them for the remaining hour. Anyone have any questions?"

"How much prozac do you take in the morning?" Marie asked amiably once he'd left the room with a gigantic smile plastered onto his face.

"Recovery's down the second hall to the left, right?" I asked her.

She nodded, pointing. "Yup. I'm headed down to pediatrics. See you in an hour!"

I headed down the hallway, nervous butterflies in my stomach. I was actually kind of scared. Scared he might be, well, different. I didn't think I could handle it if he ended up forgetting things. He was a genius. It wouldn't be fair anymore. There wouldn't be any incentive to beat him. I felt a little dizzy walking towards his room; not sick-dizzy, but anticipation-dizzy. I'd never really been in a hospital before. What if I hated it? What if he wanted to know why the hell I was here and got angry?

It only took about five minutes to locate his room. Without thinking, I placed my hand on the doorknob and started to walk in.

"I'm sorry, are you family?" asked a voice.

I gasped and whipped around to see a young doctor, who couldn't have been more than ten years older than I was, standing behind me.

"Uh…" I stammered. Be confident. Be cool. Don't panic. I extended my hand to him. "Hi, I'm Elliot Reid…"

"Yawn. Am I supposed to care?"

"Perry," an older woman scolded him angrily, smacking him with a metal clipboard. "I'm not going to deal with your shit if you keep this up. Seriously." She turned to me and smiled warmly. "Are you one of the high schoolers?"

"Is JD your patient?" I interrupted, hardly noticing her.

She frowned, puzzled. "I'm sorry, who?"

"JD." I pointed into the room at the boy lying on the mattress. "The kid in there."

"Came in this morning, you acted like a heartless bitch and made me tell him his sister died…ringing any bells? Ding-a-ling, wake up, doctor—"

"COX! SHUT IT!" she squealed.

"His sister…?"

The woman stalked off. I stared in at JD, remembering the doctor in the OR telling me how he'd been drugged most of his stay. Did he know his sister was dead?

"Could you…could you mentor me for the hour?" I asked the younger man, staring at JD through the glass. I felt we had a connection now. A terrible, silent connection, because I now knew more about his fate than he did.

I came to the realization that if I were ever to become a doctor, I'd feel that connection every waking moment of my life.

"I'm only a med student," he admitted.

I didn't say anything, pretending I hadn't heard.

"Well, alright," he finally gave in, running an exasperated hand through his hair.

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Okay, then, let's get this over with. Long story short, I'm Perry Cox. But you will address me as Dr. Cox, because it makes me feel like I have more power over you and none of the patients will wonder why two students are hanging out." He scoffed. "What are you two, twelve?"

"I'm fifteen!" I asserted. "And JD is too, I think."

"Alright, then, two points for the Teletubbies and none for me." His voice grew softer. "I guess he's waking up. Look, Barbie—"

I flinched. "Elliot."

"Barbie," he repeated. "I don't really know what happened. The kid was out of it when I talked to him, but I know this much: the twin sister was drving and veered the car off the road. He seemed to think she was…trying to kill him, too. He might be a little unstable right now. We don't know anything for sure—I'm sure you understand," he acknowledged.

Mentally, it checked in. "So his sister is dead."

"Yeah. Died immediately. And he knew it, too."

"…he's awake."

_Do you ever work it out_

_How it could be done_

_I ain't got a doubt_

_I know this is the one_

_And if you feel _

_Like nothing will change_

_Stay for real_

_Reality's not out of your range_

He stepped towards me and opened the door. "Don't do anything stupid," he warned, but I didn't miss the obvious swallow. We were in the same position, the two of us. Both inexperienced students. But maybe that'd be better for JD in the end. We'd relate to him better than any adult would.

The confusion was evident on his face when we walked in. I knew in that instant that there couldn't be any brain damage; his eyes were alert and full of fire as always. I hoped that his awareness wouldn't make it any worse.

"Elliot?" he asked weakly, his voice a little drawled from pain meds and anesthetic.

"Hey," I said quietly, waving my hand.

He grinned absurdly. "I thought this was a hospital."

"Oh, yeah, I'm on a…a field trip," I finished awkwardly, feeling like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

His eyes met with "Dr. Cox" and he nodded at him in acknowledgement. "Hey."

"Oh, good, so you remember me."

JD nodded again. "Yeah, I remember. Kind of, uh, hard to forget," he said, looking down at his leg and clearing his throat.

"How do you feel?" asked "Dr. Cox." Then he slapped his head. "Sorry. I promised a nurse I wouldn't ask the patients that. Sorry."

JD blinked, clearly trying to stay awake. "That's okay. Anyone have any idea what's been going on? I'm completely lost here. I guess I should ask even if this is some strange, drug-induced surgery fantasy," he said, giving me a half-amused, half-curious look.

"It's not a fantasy. I'm in AP Bio, we're on a field trip."

"Hey, I'm in AP Bio, too. We're coming here…" He thought for a moment.

"Tomorrow?" He shook his head. "Guess I'm a little early, then."

"Okay, let's get down to business. What's the last thing you remember?"

He took a deep breath, leaning his head against the pillow and wincing at the movement. "You…uh…told me about my sister," he drew out painfully, "and then my mom came in. She was kind of angry. Said she was gonna call my dad and left."

I felt my heart wrench as JD's eyes teared up. I dutifully looked away, trying to at least respect his privacy in spite of the fact that he couldn't go anywhere to escape the inevitable embarrassment.

"Um, has she been back since then?" JD asked tentatively.

Dr. Cox shook his head. "No, I'm sorry."

"Right, well…" JD trailed off.

"Well, kid, I have to ask you a few questions to see if there's any—" He cleared his throat. "Brain damage."

"What?"

"Don't worry," I said automatically. I didn't know where it came from, but it was natural. "It's just…"

"Standard procedure," Dr. Cox finished for me.

"Alright-y, then," JD sighed. "Fire away."

"Okay. How old are you?"

JD rolled his eyes up at the ceiling. "Fifteen."

"What high school do you go to?"

"Thompson."

"Favorite movie?"

"Sixteen candles," he admitted.

Cox stopped mid-fire. "Riiiight. I'll pretend I didn't hear that." He took some notes on the clipboard really fast. I noticed how—assertive and manly as his attitude was—he was a little jarred by the situation, too.

Welcome to the hospital.

"Last question at the state science finals?"

JD's eyes met mine. "Huh?"

I smirked. "State science finals. Last year."

"Name the three parts the small intestine is divided into. Answer?" he challenged me.

"The duodenum, the jejunum and the ileum," I responded flawlessly. I'd never forgiven myself for letting him win.

And at least, on a lighter note, I could tell there'd be future competition.

_Another milestone_

_Or maybe not so_

_But still you can turn_

_You can burn_

_Or just go_

_But it all_

_Fills up_

_In the end_

"Okay, I'm a fourth year med student and I'm pretty sure even I'm not that nerdy."

We ignored him, staring at each other stupidly for what seemed like hours, as if trying to remember every single aspect about the other. I took in his blue eyes, the bandage on his head, the vague, doofy, slightly-drugged grin.

Suddenly the smile slid off his face as he saw a figure outside the room. "Mom," he sighed. "You guys better—"

"I'm sorry," a woman snapped at me, "are you a midget doctor or what?"

"Yes, m'am, it's quite tragic," Dr. Cox said under his breath.

I felt myself blushing beat red. JD pursed his lips, looking put out. "Hi, Mom."

"JD, we need to talk." She glared over at me and Dr. Cox. "Now. Alone."

"Mrs. Dorian—h"

"Ms. Turner," she corrected haughtily. "Now leave, doctor. I need to speak with my son."

"He just got out of surgery—" I protested, but another death glared from her was all it took to send me out of the room with my new mentor.

We stood outside the room, though, seeing as she couldn't kick us out of the hallway. The two of us were a strange pair, practically hiding outside of a patient's room to eavesdrop.

"JD, what happened?" we heard her bark. I flinched at the sound. So did Dr. Cox.

"Answer me, John!"

"Mom…" he trailed off weakly. "Sam told me she wanted to go to a club. I said I wasn't coming and she started to leave without me." He took a deep breath. "But I didn't want her to go alone, so I went, too. About five miles out…"

He choked up. I couldn't see it, but I could feel it. I felt dirty, listening in on this, but almost compelled at the same time.

"What?" she demanded harshly, her voice hoarse. "Explain to me why my onlu daughter is dead, John. Explain it!"

"She tried to kill us!" JD burst, nearly hysterical. "She looked at me and apologized and veered the car right at the wall! Mom, she wanted us both to die…and I lived…" He went silent.

"No," his mother denied. "No, it's not true. Not Sam. She wouldn't do that! Not my Sam…"

"I'm telling you the truth. She was driving—anyone in the hospital can tell you that."

I heard her make an almost wild noise of frustration. "You're lying. Why, JD? Why are you doing this to me?"

_Do you ever feel _

_So perfect_

_You're not for real_

_But it's worth it_

"But—I'm not…"

She sniffed loudly. "That's it. JD, you're going to live with your father. I just…I don't think I can even look at you anymore."

I closed my eyes, willing the minutes to turn back. The hours, so JD's sister would be alive and he wouldn't be stuck in a hospital with an immobile leg and a shrieking, nonsensical parent.

"Mom…you can't! I can't. Where will I go to school? He'll never stay in one place at once! He's a traveling office salesman," he reminded her angrily. "What do you expect me to do?"

"I don't know! This is all your fault, JD, and I just can't live with you anymore!"

Dr. Cox burst the door open. "Get the hell out of my patient's room," he ordered ferociously, taking a threatening step towards her.

She stood her ground. "I'm his mother. You can't tell me what to do."

"You're not my mother anymore," JD said quietly, not even bothering to look up from the sheets he'd transfixed his eyes at.

"JD…don't do this to me," she pleaded. "You have to understand."

"Understand that you don't love me enough to believe me? To keep me? Understand that you have to side with Sam because she was perfect and now she's dead, and now all you've got is me? I understand perfectly, and I. Want. You. Out," he said slowly, his fists clenched and shaking dangerously.

"Your father will be here tomorrow," she informed him, leaving the room. "Good-bye."

My mentor and I stood there in silence as her steps sounded through the hall and slowly disappeared. JD waited until he was sure she was long gone and ducked his head down to cry.

I walked up to his bed and grabbed his hand. "It'll be okay," I said, knowing my words were false but saying them anyway.

He shook his dead. "My sister's dead. Sam is dead. I should've stopped her—I could have grabbed the wheel, something, anything—"

"That's not true," Dr. Cox interrupted. "Nothing could be done. At least…she wasn't alone."

"She's still dead." Then he threw his head back on the pillow in fury. "And now I'll never get into college, let alone graduate."

"I'm sure your mom will snap out of it," I persuaded him. His eyes were empty and hollow.

Brain damaged. But only emotionally.

"No. Not while she still has Dan. He's perfect like Sam was." He choked back a sob. "She was my twin. We didn't do anything without the other. I was supposed to die, too."

I watched him cry and realized that though I'd sentenced my soul to medicine at the tender age of ten, I might actually enjoy it. Because it didn't just require a brain. It required a heart.

A heart like JD's, and a heart like mine and the med student's. We were going to be okay, the three of us. I could just feel it. And when I heard Kelso and my teacher calling all of us back, I didn't cry. Okay, maybe a little, but I knew it wasn't over.

"No, JD, you were supposed to live. Everything happens for a reason," I said, "and you were saved because you were meant to do so much more in the world. I believe that."

"Thanks, Elliot…annoying as you were in competition, I'll miss you."

"My thoughts exactly," I agreed. I squeezed his hand, waved good-bye at my two new friends, and followed Marie out of the building.

"Had fun?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No, but I had a lot of time to think."

"And?" she prompted.

I looked behind me at the scurrying medical personnel, busy and flustered. "I think I'm gonna be a doctor one day."

She sighed, "Oh, Ell. You confuse me more with each passing day."

I left the hospital that day without any regret. Something inside of me convinced me that it wasn't really good-bye. Maybe I was just being naïve. Or maybe I knew, deep in my heart, that we'd all meet again one day.

But who would've guessed at the time?

_Do you ever feel _

_So perfect_

_You're not for real_

_But it's worth it_

I wake up in the on call room, my heart pounding. That dream. No, not a dream—a memory. I leapt out of the makeshift bed, hurriedly trying to recall the scene.

I had been in a hospital. Not just any hospital, but I'd been here at Sacred Heart. Only…I was fifteen in the dream.

I gasp. The field trip in AP Bio. The boy in the car accident. Everything floods back to me and I realize why I'm so unexplainably attracted to JD, another intern here.

No way. He became a doctor, too. I grin. I guess that would mean—

But Dr. Cox? OUR Dr. Cox? Could he have ever been that…human?

I yawn, wracking my brain and walking out of the on call room. Awkwardly enough, I slam right into Dr. Cox and send his coffee flying.

"Big mistake, Barbie," he warns me, his face growing with anger.

I grin widely at him. "Hey, Dr. Cox, you realize that's not the first time you've called me that?"

He pauses for a moment. "Yeah, yesterday when you took the last ham sandwich and I had to hire a surgical intern to grab it from you—"

"No, no," I interrupt him, ignoring his tale. "I mean…ten years ago. When you had almost graduated med school. Remember? You called me Barbie when you mentored me for an hour."

His eyes widen. "Oh, dear Lord. Please tell me that wasn't you."

"It was," I say excitedly, "and the kid in the car accident—"

"Coming through!" I hear JD call from down the hallway. Dr. Cox slaps a hand over my mouth as JD passes. He halts mid-run to stare at us, clearly confused, then looks back at the janitor and continues to bolt.

"Was Newbie. I know. I actually just figured it out about an hour ago," he admits, "but he has no idea it was us. I'm pretty sure he's shoved it out of his mind. Let's just leave well enough alone, okay, Barbie?" he asks sarcastically.

I nod. "Okay."

"Thanks," he says seriously, nodding back at me. He turns to leave me in the hallway, then hesitates. "I always thought I might see you again. You just…seemed like a doctor to me, even then."

He walks away before I can say anything. He's right, though. JD's obviously shoved this all into the depths of his mind. I start to head towards the nurses' station for my clipboards, stopping in an empty hallway waterfountain for a drink really fast.

JD's leaning against the wall with a distant expression on his face, his arms crossed.

"You alright?" I ask, the images flooding back in rapid succession. JD at the podium, whooping my ass. JD in a hospital bed with a broken leg. JD on our first day of internship, asking me out.

"Yeah," he says, immediately bouncing back up at my entrance. He grins. "Great going, now I can't nap in peace," he jokes, leaving me in the hall.

I watch him leave and wonder if he'll ever figure it out. Until the day he does, I guess I have a connection with the most unlikely person in the world, Dr. Cox—again.

_In the end_

* * *

There is a slight possiblity there were errors, but that's because I typed it on an Alphasmart and they have itty bitty screens and it's past my bedtime so I was too lazy to read through all 13 plus pages. So THERE. Lol. REVIEW AND JOIN MY C2!


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

The latest installment of the fic that I never meant to continue! THIS BABY IS OVER 19 PAGES. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

And yes...this IS where all my spare time goes...

* * *

JD's POV

"Dad…I can't go with you," I told him, looking away.

He swallowed hard, suppressing the tears. "JD…your mother loves you very much. You have to know that. We both do."

I ignored the comment, fiddling with my hands. Everything else ached too much to move. My whole body was trapped in this stupid bed, my leg was completely bent up from surgery, my head was pounding. I just didn't want to hear it. I knew it couldn't be true after what she'd said to me.

"That's not it," I pleaded with him, trying not to cry like some little girl. My soul felt torn. How could I go on without Sam? My whole life…I couldn't just…

"I can't do it," I repeated, shaking my head. "I'm not going to…I'm not going to waste my life. Not after this."

"We can try to work it out," he reasoned, fumbling on his words. "I can try to travel less—"

I shook my head again. "It won't work. You need to travel for your job. I hate to say it, but…I'm a burden you can't handle right now."

The room filled with silence. He knew that every word I had spoken was one hundred percent true, and neither of us could change that. Nothing could.

How could Sam do this to me? Leave me here without any other options? I wanted to scream, I was so angry with her. Not only did she die on me, she left me without any choice in the world. What was going to happen to me now?

"Look, JD, I'm sorry this has ended up this way. I…I can't say I ever knew any of you so well…but I'm missing Sam too, okay? Don't forget that."

A bitter laugh curled in my throat, coming out of nowhere. "You didn't even know what she looked like," I accused.

"I…I saw her body," he admitted, tears rising into his eyes again.

I sucked in a breath. "Don't."

He nodded, holding his head in his hands in the chair he sat on. "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to come with me. There isn't any other way, JD."

"There has to be. I'm not going to miss high school, I can't. I have to go to college. Don't you get it? My entire life I've been dead set on not…not…"

"Being like me?" my father prompted. "Being a failure?"

"No, that's not it at all," I lied for his benefit. But it was true. He'd abandoned us a long way back, and I didn't forgive him for it like Dan did. Neither did Sam. I needed her now more than ever. She'd tell mom it wasn't my fault. She'd steal the root beer from the cupboard and go to the mall with her giggly friends and be alive.

"Then what?" he asked me.

"I want to have a future. I want to be something more than this. Ever since I was really little, Dan's been great and Sam's been great and then—and then there's me, and I'm just a nerd. A strange little nerd. I can't pretend I don't care, because I do. I want to do something that will make my life worthwhile. I want to help people."

He stood up from his chair. "It's harder than you think," he told me, looking away. "It's not simple. Look at how I ended up."

I didn't say anything.

"Well, kid, what are we going to do?" he finally voiced the thought aloud.

I wracked my brain. I searched every part, trying to find something solid to cling onto, a rope to pull me out of the nightmare.

"I'll live with Aunt Kelly," I finally resorted.

"What?" he scoffed. "That's impossible. She has no idea how to take care of kids."

"Neither do you," I countered harshly.

I really didn't mean it. I'd never been like this, not ever. No, I was always mild-mannered, geeky, naïve little JD. But not this time. Now I had to stand up for myself. This was make it or break it, the difference between being somebody and being nobody.

"Fine. I'll call her. But I'm not guaranteeing anything."

Then he left.

_Every time I feel alone_

_I can blame it on you_

_And I do, oh_

I stared at my hands for a long while after that, listening numbly to the bustle around the hospital. I saw the long, delicate curve of the scar on my right hand and thought back. Sam and I had been about nine years old. She'd dared me to climb up the apple tree in our backyard, and I'd done it, then scratched my hand on a branch and promptly fallen off in surprise at the pain.

Funny thing was, I hadn't been afraid of falling. My mom came rushing out, asking if I was alright, holding up fingers and asking me how many there were—all the drama. But I'd shown her my bleeding hand and she just burst out laughing from relief.

I knew now why I wasn't afraid to fall. Because I knew Sam was at the bottom, and I'd always be safe around her. I trusted her so much that it hurt.

How could I have expected her to betray me like this?

"Hey," a young nurse, looking no older than I was, greeted me, walking into the room. "I'm Carla. I don't think I've met you yet."

I looked up from my hands and forced a smile. "JD," I said, trying not to blush from embarrassment.

"Nice to meet you, kid."

I laughed. "How old are you?"

She cocked an eyebrow. "Twenty. Certainly older than you are, mister."

"You're a kid, too," I reminded her. "How long have you worked here?"

"About a year." She shrugged. "I skipped the college scene, cut straight to the chase and wound up here." Then she sighed, stopping in her tracks. "Well, actually, I didn't have the money. But we get to do the real stuff, anyway. I've saved lives before," she said proudly.

"Cool," I said a little too eagerly. Then I grinned. "I mean, I always wondered what it was like to work in a hospital."

"It's really nice. A little stressful," she mused, "but nice. So what happened to you? Don't mean to be nosy, but being a nurse I kinda think it's my duty."

"Car accident. And you?" I added jokingly.

"Haha," she deadpanned. "How'd it happen?" she asked seriously.

This story was really getting old. I knew it had only been about a day and a half, but I'd told about a million different "nosy" people. Now all I wanted to do was close my eyes and make it go away. It hurt a little bit more with each telling, made it a little more real. I didn't want it to be real. It hadn't hit me yet, and I was glad for that. Sam wasn't gone. She was…

"My twin sister, uh, drove the car off the road. On purpose. On the freeway…at two in the morning." I cleared my throat and stared out the window at the bleary day. "She was suicidal—except she tried to kill both of us. The last thing she did was apologize and then she…pulled the wheel."

The nurse's eyes widened. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

"So am I," I admitted. "I keep thinking…well, never mind," I dismissed it, knowing that no matter how many times I wished for it, reality was still solid and unchanging.

"Your twin, huh?" she repeated, biting her lip. "That's just…I can't even imagine."

My fists clenched at the sheets, controlling the urge to yell for all I was worth. "I couldn't imagine it either. We told each other everything. She didn't seem…" I couldn't say it. "My mom doesn't believe me, either."

Carla gasped. "No way."

I nodded, my head hung. "She sent me to live with my Dad, but I can't because he travels too much. So I guess I'm going to my aunt's. Don't even really know her. But I need to finish high school, you know?"

Her eyes looked distant, like she was seeing right through me. "Yeah," she agreed, "you should definitely finish high school. Get as many scholarships as you can. You'll need them," she said softly. "Your mom…I'm sure she's just scared, honey. It'll be okay."

The words sounded so promising, so full of hope. I let them surround me for a moment, envelop me in their safety like a security blanket. I clung to them, needed them…knew I had to let them go.

"My mom," I told her evenly, wondering why the first time I was ever repeating this story was to an absolute stranger, "expected a little girl. That's what the ultrasound said. I was an unwanted shock, actually. And, coincidentally enough, it's always been like that. Dan, my older brother, and Sam—my…my twin sister—they were both perfect." I clutched the sheets harder, feeling my nails dig into the skin of my palms through the thin fabric. "Perfect."

_You got me like a loaded gun_

_Golden sun and sky so blue_

_We both know that we want it_

_But we both know that you left me no choice_

"JD…I don't think…" she stammered. "Believe me, JD, they aren't perfect. No one is. If you set your mind to something, you can do it."

I rolled my eyes. "I want to be a doctor. My dad's an AWOL traveling office supply salesman and my mom's a florist. And even though I try hard—college courses, all A's, science and math competitions—they think I'm stupid."

"Prove 'em wrong," she said simply, shrugging. "They'll be sorry when you show them what you're made of."

"Thanks," I said sincerely, letting it sink in. I would prove them wrong. Even if it meant three years of Aunt Kelly and grueling work at school to get the money I needed, I would do it.

"I'll do it," I whispered to myself once she had left the room. "For Sam."

Then I started to drift off…and before I knew it, I was asleep for the first time since surgery the day before.

"_JD," Sam called out in the distance. "JD, help me. I need you." _

_I tried to move but I was stuck. "Just hold on, Sam," I yelled back. "You're okay. Just stay where you are." _

"_I can't, JD! Help me…I—"_

"_Sam?" I asked frantically. "Sam, answer me! Where are you? What's going on? Sam? Sam!" _

_She was dead. I let her die. "Sam…" _

"…_**up, kid!" **_

I woke up in cold sweat, a hand shaking my shoulder. I jolted away in shock and winced as my aching muscles protested in agony.

"You were having a nightmare," the med student from before—Dr. Cox, I guess—informed me.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"You were freaking out in your sleep," he explained, taking his hand off my shoulder and stepping back. "I thought it would be best to wake you."

"Thanks," I say shakily. "What time is it?"

"About midnight. You alright there?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," I lied. Actually, my head was pounding and my leg was pretty much on fire, but I swallowed it back. Which was worse, nightmares or this?

"You probably need some pain meds," he observed, looking over my chart. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Y-yeah," I admitted. "A bit. Just thanking my lucky stars that my limbs are still in tact."

"Yeah," the med student agreed, smirking. "I'll got get a 'real' doctor to handle this, seeing as I'm too 'stupid' to pick out the right medicine from storage and give it to patients. Be right back."

"Hey, kid," Carla said, walking in the room. "Your aunt's here. Should I—"

Before she could finish, Aunt Kelly had entered the room. Her presence, as always, was quite striking. Tall, skinny and a straight-haired brunette with prominent facial features, she gave off a cool air that intimidated everyone around her. I hadn't seen her in two or three years, but she was exactly as I remembered her. She was my mom's sister, but they hardly spoke despite Aunt Kelly being a lawyer only thirty minutes from our apartment.

"John," she greeted me sternly.

I crossed my fingers.

_(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)_

_You just bring me down_

_(Je pretend que tout va bien)_

_So I'm counting my tears 'til I get over you_

"Hi," said, my mouth drying.

"It's been a while," she acknowledged, shifting uncomfortably. "Your father explained the situation to me."

The med student and Carla remained in the room, watching the scene. Unlike my mother, she didn't order them out. She didn't even care—surely, as a lawyer, she was used to bringing up sore spots in public.

She scared me sometimes, though, just because she didn't seem to have any emotions. What was I about to get myself into?

"Yeah," I said stupidly, trying not to look away from her.

"Look. I'm going to be plain and simple with you. If this is really what you want, you can sleep on the couch and eat my food, but that's it, kid. You're on your own for everything else. I'm too busy to take care of some little kid, got it?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I got it," I said, grinning. At least I was safe as far as school went.

She took a deep breath, as if relieved. "Okay, then, I guess I'll pick you up when you're released. But don't make a habit out of it, I'm not your chaperone, you hear?"

Then she left.

The med student whistled. "She's a sweetheart. Kinda reminds me of my mother," he said sarcastically, following her out to get the pain meds.

"You're gonna live with her?" Carla asked in bewilderment.

I shrugged. "Guess so," I answered, hearing her high heels click-clack away in an official, high-ranking manner. I wasn't really thinking about the grand scheme of things. The relief of knowing I had someplace to go was more overwhelming at the moment.

"Perry told me you were overdue for some meds," entered an overly-perky, thirty-something blonde doctor a couple of seconds later. "Here you are."

I accepted the pills, trying not to notice Carla gawking at me. "I can't believe you're gonna put up with that," she said, shaking her head.

"I really don't think she's that bad," I said in her defense, even though I didn't believe it myself. "Besides, I'm not looking for another parent. I'm looking for…for somewhere to go."

"What are you going to do if you're lonely?"

Talk to Sam, I almost voiced automatically. I was never lonely. I had my twin. Then the empty hole of dread replaced my momentary content as reality crashed down again.

"I won't get lonely," I lied.

Then I felt myself drifting off again, sinking into the pillow. Carla sighed. "I hope so, kid," she told me, leaving the room. "I gotta get to some other patients. I'll be back later, though, I promise."

I nodded, then fell asleep.

_Sometimes I watch the world go by_

_I wonder what it is like_

_To wake up ever single day_

_Smile on your face_

_You never tried (You never tried)_

A week later I was ready to be released. That week I'd formed a lot of accidental bonds with the staff. The med student, Dr. Cox (he made all the patients call him that for some twisted reason), had ended his week long introduction to the hospital two days before, so the last part of my imprisonment was really boring. When he left he said "I'll see you later, I guess," like we were buddies.

I'd never really had a friend before. I'd miss him.

Carla checked in on me a lot, too. We played Uno and Go Fish and she watched The Simpsons with me a few nights. She even brought in a few other patients and some popcorn one night, then promptly got into huge trouble with some jerk Dr. Kelso.

The week had still been slow. I had a lot of time alone, thinking to myself of what might have been, pondering the reasons why. Why Sam? Why would she want to end everything?

Most importantly, how could I—her twin brother, her chief confidante—not see it coming?

Aunt Kelly came to pick me up that day, looking irritated as she accompanied Carla and the lunky wheelchair I had to be brought out in. Carla had already showed me how to use the crutches, so I was okay on that front. Now I just sort of wished Carla could _stay_ with me.

"Bye, JD," she said at the entrance. She pressed a piece of paper into my palm while my aunt was distracted. "Just in case," she informed me. "Good luck. I'll miss you."

"Thanks for everything," I said sincerely.

She grinned, ruffling the hair that stuck out from the bandage still on my head. "You know what, JD? I think you're the first and only patient to ever thank me. It means a lot."

"You're a great nurse," I told her, hoisting myself up from the wheelchair. "I mean it."

"Don't make me get all wishy-washy," she scolded, swatting me playfully with her stethoscope.

I waved good-bye with a free hand, clutching to the piece of paper in my other. Again, though, I wasn't that sad. I had a feeling I'd see her again.

"We're going to your house so you can pick up your things," Aunt Kelly said curtly, readjusting her make-up expertly without a mirror. "Be as quick as possible, I really don't want to be held up."

I nodded. "Aunt Kelly…" The name sounded foreign and unsuitable, but I continued. "Thank you so much for—"

"I'm not doing anything," she cut me off. "I don't want some grand relationship, okay? I'm really busy. I'm one of the city's top lawyers. I'll just cut to the chase and say I have absolutely no time to waste on you. You do what you want. I don't care where you are, you don't have to call me to tell me you're at some party, you don't have a curfew. I. Don't. Care."

"Right," I mumbled, sinking into the seat a little bit. We remained silent until we pulled up to the apartment lot. Stumbling to the elevator on the crutches, my stomach started to flutter uncontrollably. I was scared to see my mother again. I was scared of rejection.

Dan answered the door. "Johnny…" he greeted me somberly, serious for the first time in his life. "It's good to see you," he said, hugging me.

I didn't think my brother had ever hugged me before in my memory, but now we had this connection, this burden, that linked us more than ever before.

"It's good to see you, too," I agreed, attempting to hug him back through the crutches on my side.

"You don't have to go," he nearly pleaded with me. "I know…I know it seems like I don't care sometimes, but I'll really miss you if you…"

"I know, Dan. And you know I care about you, too. I mean, you're my only brother…" My only sibling, I reminded myself. "But Mom doesn't want me. She thinks it's my fault," I whispered, staring at the worn, brown carpet.

"It's not," Dan enforced, his teeth grit. He relaxed a bit. "Look. Let me help you get your things. It might be a little…" He gestured to the cast taking up more than half my leg.

"Yeah." We walked in an uncomfortable silence to the room Sam and I used to share, still messy and disorganized as always. Her CDs and videos cluttered the floor, her clothes were laid out for the next day—the day that never came for her. Why would she lay them out? I wondered.

"I got a couple of paper bags for your clothes," Dan told me, pointing to the pile of them. "Thought it might be easier than a suitcase."

"Dan," I interrupted, "don't you…don't you wonder why? I mean, about Sam. She didn't…I mean, she was Sam. It wouldn't be like her."

Dan sighed, sitting down on my bed. Well, it wasn't my bed anymore. A pang went through me.

"Johnny, I…" Dan trailed off. Suddenly his eyes filled with tears, his face screwed up in agony. "I hate that this is happening. I hate that you're the one leaving." He buried his head in his hands, body wracking with sobs.

I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. Our whole lives we'd been pretty distant from each other, pretended we weren't related, done all the things brothers tended to do. Or so we thought. I couldn't believe he was crying—Dan, the senior in high school, the star quarterback.

"Dan…" I nearly croaked, trying not to cry myself. "I can visit. Maybe I'll drop by at our school sometime. It's not like I'm leaving, too."

"No…you don't get it!" Dan yelled, throwing a fist down at the mattress. I flinched. If he went crazy, I'd be trapped in this room without any chance of escape.

"Dan…we both cared about her a lot…."

His eyes flashed dangerously. "But did you kill her?"

_We both know _

_We can't change it_

_But we both know_

_We'll just have to face it_

His voice punctured the air like a knife. I nearly fell on top of Sam's bed, trying to sit down.

"Dan, you had nothing to do with it. I was the one who couldn't stop her," I reminded him.

"No," he denied quietly. His volume raised steadily to a tortured shout as he exclaimed, "You had nothing to do with it, Johnny. You're…you had no idea, you're just too naïve. Why do you think Mom didn't want an autopsy?" he cried. "Why do you think?"

I felt myself shaking. "I didn't know about that," I confessed weakly.

I heard something crash at the open doorway. Our mother stood there, groceries now strewn about the hallway, her mouth wide open. "Shut up," she hissed at Dan. "You just shut_ UP_."

"No!" he screamed at her. "You can't do this to him when you KNEW Sam was using. You KNEW, damn it!"

"Using?" I asked desperately, trying to make sense of it. "Using what?"

"You spiteful, ungrateful bastard—" our mom spat out.

"Drugs, Johnny! Our sister was using drugs! And guess who gave them to her?"

Our mother lunged at him, trying to knock him to the floor, but he easily stood his ground. "SHE gave them to her. Just like you've always given them to me, right, Mom?" He laughed bitterly, insanely. "Her mind was completely cracked up on drugs! You were just left out of her little circle, but don't you fret, kid, cuz now you're the lucky one."

"What?" I whispered. My heart pounded wildly in my head. I could hardly think. I felt bile rising in my throat from disgust, but the feeling passed. My hands shook uncontrollably and the crutches dropped to the ground with a clatter.

Our mother sat on the ground, sobbing pathetically. "It's not true. I didn't kill her. I didn't kill my baby—it's his fault!"

The room spun. Everything felt intense and out of proportion. I couldn't respond to the terrible, cruel scene unfurling in front of me.

"I just made her happy," she wailed. "All I wanted was for you two to be happy. I didn't think…"

"You didn't think at all!" I finally bellowed, finding my voice. "You did something wrong, something horrible, and then you couldn't even own up to it! You blamed ME and kicked me out! Why? Why did you do it?"

"You don't understand!" she shrieked at me. "You didn't need the drugs!"

"NEITHER DID SHE!" I shot back. "Neither did Dan! YOU needed them!" I gasped for air, suddenly out of breath. "And then you tried to ruin me. How can you live with that? Are we…are we even related?"

"Johnny…you are," Dan assured me.

"Then why," I said hoarsely, my voice cracking, "did you abandon me? Why, my whole life, haven't you ever loved me?"

She didn't answer, shielding her face from both of us.

"I'm glad you kicked me out," I finally expressed, stumbling to my feet. Pain skyrocketed through my leg from the improper support, but I quickly regained balance on the crutches. "You can keep my stuff. I don't need it. Keep all of Sam's things, too. Let them be a reminder," I snapped angrily, feeling my face burn with betrayal.

"Johnny—" Dan called after me, pained and pleading. "Don't go!"

"I've been gone for a long time," I choked. "Good-bye, Dan." I turned to the heap on the floor and said, "I won't miss this place. Not one bit. I don't want to hear from you again."

"JD, you get back here," my mother threatened me.

"Oh, yeah? For what reason?" I demanded.

"You can't do this! You can't leave!"

"Newsflash—you threw me out. I won't forget that. In fact, I've been waiting for this day ever since I can remember. So you don't tell me what to do anymore."

I walked out the front door to the sound of her crazed wails, rode down the elevator and stumbled back to the car. Aunt Kelly still waited, eyebrows raised at my lack of possessions.

"Ready?" she asked impatiently.

"More than you know," I said sincerely. The engine revved up and we drove out of the lot.

I didn't look back.

The drive would be about an hour long. After a few minutes of distancing ourselves from the apartment, I asked, "Aunt Kelly…what was Mom like as a kid?"

She frowned. "I thought we were clear on you not bothering me," she snapped.

I bit my lip. "Yeah. I'm sorry."

The stretch of highway continued for quite a while before she finally broke the silence.

"You want the truth, kid?" she finally gave in.

I nodded. "Please."

She sighed, her eyes focused on the road but full of…emotion. I couldn't pinpoint it, but she was human to me then. I felt safer knowing she could feel. No one was invincible.

"Your mom was addicted to drugs," she admitted carefully, still looking away from me. "Every kind of drug, all through high school. Our parents didn't care. I did, and she lashed out at me the night before I left for college. I never went back after that. Your father, he called me a few times while he was first dating her. At first I ignored him."

"But then?" I prompted at her silence.

"But then I paid attention when he started talking about her using. He said he was going to help her change. I didn't believe it, but…he did change her. I lost contact. I was invited to the wedding, though. Your mom was twenty, couldn't even drink legally yet. I didn't hear from him till two months after you and your sister were born. She started using again, but he stayed with her until she finally cast him out, too."

"You…you've been talking to my father, then?"

"Yes. I have been. I know a lot about you kids, actually, but I've never wanted to be a part of it."

"But now you are."

She pursed her lips. "Now I am," she agreed.

"My brother said he and mom and Sam were using," I choked. "It's why she veered our car off the road."

"You didn't do anything wrong," she told me curtly, straightening in her seat as if the words of assurance pained her to say. "Really, kid," she added to make up for it.

I nodded. It didn't bring her back, though.

_(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)_

_You just bring me down_

_(Je pretend que tout va bien)_

_So I'm counting my tears 'til I get over you_

A few months later things started to look up. I took two jobs up at the mini mart and an orthodontist's office. I joined another science club and brought us to nationals, but I never got to see Elliot again. At my new school I made a lot of friends. My father and I reconnected and he came to visit whenever he could, and I visited Dan every week or two. I saw my mom once at the grocery store. We didn't speak.

And living with Aunt Kelly wasn't so bad, either. We got into this unspoken ritual of watching pathetic sitcoms at two in the morning when we couldn't sleep. She had said in the beginning that she didn't care what I did, but as time went by I noticed that she would stay up at home until I got back from a track meet. I guess I didn't mention that. I got into sports now that I wasn't so embarrassed, and I've got the second fastest mile time in the school.

And I got a little bit out of everything. My job at the mini mart forced me to speak with people and I was finally able to trust myself to hold a casual conversation. I made friends with the other kids working there, too. And I learned a lot about responsibility from Dr. Reynolds, the orthodontist I helped out by filing. He looked out for me, too. I also managed to save a good amount of money for college.

The science competitions at the new school I went to were different. I wasn't ridiculed. I was practically a hero. And for the first time in my life, holding that gigantic trophy in my hands, I realized that being a nerd was actually a good thing. I made more friends there, and suddenly I was as successful as my siblings had been.

My father and I grew a lot closer, now that I knew more about the divorce. I realized that he had done what he could. We understood each other, and althought I was glad I hadn't decided to travel with him I was even happier that we'd managed to get to know each other. It proved to me that I wasn't a mistake.

Same went for my brother, Dan. His friends stopped beating the crap out of me (he said it was because he stopped them, but I wonder if it's because I'm almost six feet tall now). He's stopped using and moved out of my mom's place now that's he eighteen. Sometimes he even travels with Dad.

Track was great, too. It felt great to run and stomp everything out of your system. It was easy, too. No planning or evading people from the opposite team, just running like crazy. It was virtually foolproof!

Unless, of course, you were me…but I only slipped on a towel ONCE, and it was totally not my fault. I think.

Anyway.

Moving in with Aunt Kelly was probably the smartest decision I ever made in my life, looking back on it. I had no regrets. She wasn't as scary as I'd thought. Life was great.

Except those times—and there was really no way to avoid them—when I'd stay awake and think about Sam. Would she have liked my new school, my new friends, my new hobbies? How different would my life have been without the drugs? Would we still be as close as we had been all of our lives?

The moments eventually pass, though, and I moved on. The good thing was that all my new friends had no idea about the accident. We never really talked about it in the family, either, and that relieved me. I wouldn't have much to say. It all kind of spurted out in the beginning, anyway.

I did end up calling Carla, but only once. It was two or three weeks after I'd left the hospital, and we talked on the phone for about an hour while I pretended nothing was wrong. Truth was, I was petrified. My aunt had gone on a business trip for a week and by the third day I was jumping at every squeak in the apartment. We hadn't quite yet warmed up to each other, but there was nothing more frightening than being completely alone.

She obviously knew something was irking me, though, because she said all the right things and I knew I'd be safe.

Which led to high school graduation. I took a picture of Sam and held it in my palm as I accepted the diploma. National honors society, three varsity letters, school president and three-time science competition champ. Getting into college was a breeze. Life was great.

"I'm proud of you," my aunt told me once the crowd had dispersed. My father patted me on the back, grinning, and Dan punched my shoulder playfully.

I was going to college. It all seemed so surreal.

I was going to be a doctor.

And the past, thankfully, was completely left behind me.

_If only I could give you up_

_But would I want to let you off this soapbox, baby? _

_We both know_

_That we want it_

_But we both know you left me no choice_

**Present Day**: Carla's POV

I neaten up the nurse's station, only vaguely aware of what I'm doing. This shift never seems to end! Turk's in surgery and I'm beyond desperate to see him. Stupid bypass patient.

Okay, okay, not funny. But that's what I'm thinking as I stack the organized patient charts into a neat pile.

"Carla," Dr. Cox greets me, saluting and gesturing towards the pile. "Room 219."

"What?" I prompt him, grinning. "No clever insult for me?

He rolls his eyes. "Your hair looks quite horrendous today. Happy?"

I give him a sarcastic little smirk. "You have no idea," I deadpan.

I hand him the chart, but he doesn't leave. For a moment or two he stands at the counter dividing us and stares at his shoes. A couple of seconds pass like this, people walking by, not even noticing.

"Something wrong?" I ask him.

"Hey, Dr. Cox," JD interrupts. "I was wondering about—"

"I like the pink one, it matches your eyes," Dr. Cox answers.

"—the test results for Mr. Borbin," he continues, unfazed by the older man's latest comment.

"Why do you care, Shirley?"

JD shrugs. "Just wondering."

"No leukemia," Dr. Cox says, "now scram and deal with your own patients, would you? Geez, this isn't a newbie-babysitting-service over here."

JD nods and heads out, but not before mouthing, "What's his problem?" to me behind Dr. Cox's back.

"I know what you're doing, Newbie, it's been done before," Dr. Cox drawls.

JD twitches and makes a break for it. I giggle. "Interns," I sigh in amusement. "Gotta love 'em."

I wait for him to make a remark about Turk, but it doesn't happen. Now I'm lost.

"Carla," Perry says to me in a voice so low and quiet that I can barely hear it, "Think back. Ten years ago."

"What?" I ask, confused.

"The kid in the accident…who's mom kicked him out."

"Oh, you mean JD?" I ask, nodding. At his shocked expression I laugh. "What, it took you all this time to remember? Holy crap, I took one look at him and knew!"

"Keep it down," he warns. "Yeah, I just figured it out. Why didn't you bring it up? I mean, it would seem a little significant to me if the intern stalking me happened to be a kid that pretty much bawled in front of us when we first started here!"

"You were a med student," I remind him, "and Bambi did not 'bawl his eyes out,' if I recall. Not here, at least."

"Oh, you missed the visit from his mom. Blamed him."

"Because she gave the twin drugs that led her to drive into that wall," I explain.

"What?"

"Oh. He told me that over the phone later." I bite my lip. "Didn't mention that part, did I?"

"No. No, you didn't. Well, that's complicated." He sighs. "Well, does Newbie even know? I mean, even Barbie remembers."

I frown. "Elliot? How was she…?"

"Ha! I got something on you," he says proudly. "Dr. Barbie was on a high school field trip and friends with Candy while he was being treated. I, er, 'mentored' her, slightly illegally. Good kid. Freaky adult." I shudder.

I smack at him. "Be nice." Then I look around the hall to make sure no one's listening. "No, JD has no idea, and I'm not about to remind him. He's obviously blocked it all out of his head, and he's happy. He only called me once after he left—he went to live with his aunt and I think things went a lot better there, even though he was a bit freaked out at the time."

He sighs. "I can't even look at him now, knowing what happened."

"How does this change anything?" I ask. "Why can't you just act like you normally do?"

"Because…" he struggles to find words. "Because now I know too much about him," he finally blurts. "I try harder than anyone else does to distance myself from them and now I know exactly who Newbie is and that's just plain wrong."

"Just pretend you never found out," I try to help. "I mean, that's what I did right from the start. At first I was a little shocked, but I got over it fast. I always knew I'd see him here again. He told me he wanted to be a doctor. In fact, I expected it."

"I didn't think he'd end up here," he says, running a hand through his hair.

"Perry…" I trail off. "Maybe this will serve as a lesson to you. Distancing yourself doesn't make things any easier. I'm sure the interns would respect you if you were open with them a bit more." Then I throw my head back. "This is so incredibly absurd. You, me, Elliot and JD."

"What?" asks JD, walking up. "I heard my name."

"Newbie, what the hell are you doing back already? Is your attention span really that short?" he ridicules, rolling his eyes at the intern.

JD's eyes flit back. "The janitor," he whispers.

"Riiiiight," Dr. Cox draws out. "So, Newbie, how would me being more 'open' with the interns affect you?" he asks JD conversationally, shooting me a phony grin.

"Uh…I might be a little freaked," JD admits. "But good for you, Dr. Cox. I'm just gonna go—"

The janitor comes running down the hall with a mop. JD ducks.

"WHERE IS HE?"

I point down the hall and he nods in appreciation, running. "Safe," I say to JD once he's gone.

"—check on my patients, then. Until tomorrow," he salutes us, rushing off.

I check my watch. 11:59 at night.

"Damn it, that kid pops up everywhere!"

"…we work in the same hospital," I remind him.

"I can't believe I didn't make the connection. I mean, he actually—" he bursts out laughing. "He actually impacted my life more than anyone. He scared the shit out of me, that kid. Tested my limits on my very first day."

"Gee, wonder where I've seen people do THAT before," I mutter.

He ignores me, fiddling with his pen. The beeps of the monitors, the paddle of feet on the ground, the snores of the patients already asleep—everything muzzles together as we stand here. Elliot walks up solemnly, placing a chart on the counter and nodding at me.

"She knows," Dr. Cox tells her.

Elliot's head jerks up at him in alarm. Then she realizes he is, in fact, talking to her, and after another moment she makes the connected. Her mouth forms a small "o" and she looks over at me.

"You too, huh?"

"Yup."

A series of beeps pulls us out of our trance. "Damn it, someone's coding," Dr. Cox curses, running out. Elliot follows right behind him.

I follow the scene with my eyes. They're headed towards…towards JD's patient. The girl in the car accident.

Oh, no.

_(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)_

_You just bring me down_

_(Je pretend que tout va bien)_

_So I'm counting my tears 'til I get over you_

* * *

And...that's my update! I'll probably update again. Proooooooobably.

I CANNOT BELIEEEEEEEEEEVE KIM IS PREGNANT! WRONG MUCH? What if it isn't his baby! I hope it is. Otherwise his heart shall be broken. But, I mean, would you really KNOW if you were pregnant after only two weeks? And how would that explain her avoiding him for that long? She couldn't have known right away, which makes me think it's not his baby. Or maybe it is and I'm speculating. OMG, JD'S GONNA BE A DADDYYYYYYYYY!

Ahhh, so many pregnancies in an hour. Lol. :D :D :D


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